It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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