My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
