i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I AM VODKA MAN
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
