I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Help me help you realize you are a moron
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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