the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
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