well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
