they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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