and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
