Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
