well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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