halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
