I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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