'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
