youre lurking in front of me
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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