I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Randomize
