wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
