You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
you traded sex for a burrito?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
