I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
whose ass print is on the piano?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
