I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize
