i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
