can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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