i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
