I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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