I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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