Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
