Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
