are you still at the devil's house?
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
