I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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