How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
he thought i was a dude.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
