Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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