Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize