so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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