Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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