Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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