We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
false alarm. still invincible.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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