Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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