Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
