Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
