Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
