im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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