i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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