My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
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