toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I stole a fireplace last night.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
