Don't make out with my wife yet
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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