Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
