i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize