This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I seem to have left my pride at pride
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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