lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
