He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
