I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Randomize