I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
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Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
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Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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