toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
