Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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