I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
