So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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