Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
