i permit you to call me
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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