god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
