I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
