i don't plan on having that self control this summer
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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