Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
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